Why? ‘Cause since when did “Christmas” become a bad word? Political correctness (which by the way, has gone down
the dumper, ‘case you hadn’t noticed) has all but eliminated the word from holiday vocabulary. Stoopid Kardz says, “NERTZ TO THAT!” How the heck are we supposed to introduce our new batch of the BEST WORST CHRISTMAS KARDZ EVER?! We’ll put a steming lump of laughs in your stocking. We got yer BRAND NEW
STOOPID KRISSMUS KARDZ right here at www.stoopidkardz.com!
Get Kard 1 of 3 – It’s NOT the picture above!
Wanna See? It’s a surprise…
FOR A KARD YOU CAN PRINT
To view it or download it Click RIGHT HERE!
and you can download high a resolution Stoopid Kard for Halloween!They’re ready for
printing. Just go online or go to your local Staples or Office Max or Joe’s Bigass
Office Supply Shed and Port-A-Potty and purchase:
Avery Textured Heavyweight Note Card and Envelopes, 4-1/4 x 5-1/2, 50 per Box (3379)
They’re set up to print two kardz at a time, so print out all the kardz you want!
We don’t get a dime! How’s that for FREE enterprise?
FOR A KARD YOU CAN EMAIL
To view it or download it Click RIGHT HERE!
and download the JPG file. Attach it to an email and send it to everyone in the world!
And remember, folks: Stoopid Kardz are sugar-free, fat-free, non GMO, zero carbs,
and gluten-free. We got the kardz to put “Stoopid” into every occasion!
Share with your friends! Hook ’em up with the best krappy kardz on the planet!
What the heck is it about cats? Hey, everybody else has cute cat videos that gert a zillion views…
why not us? So, here’s some cute and cuddly cats reading Stoopid Kardz. Do they laugh? You bet!
(Studies prove that cats laugh their butts off, but on the inside.)
We at Stoopid Kardz look up at the sky every night (it is mandatory as stated in our employee handbook) and we blow our minds without drugs because we get, like, this crick in our
necks that presses on nerve bundles right at the base of our skulls and whoa, is it trippy!
We tune in on this, like, thinking of our smallness and how the universe up above in the sky
is awesomely humongous. We’re, like, specks. And that’s philosophy! Chew on THAT, rival
kard kompanies with your earthly, limited, sugary sweet sentimental sentiment! Our Kozmik
Kardz have profoundness, the new 21st millennial ingredient!
Stoopid Kardz believes in all the traditional occasions and holidays. But there’s more to life
than our little human thing of life. It’s time to celebrate the kozmik universe with space/time
kardz of galactic quantum good importantness that deals with dark matters and stuff.
On June 29, 2016, Yolanda Gweezo, visionary CEO of Stoopid Kardz, unveiled what is perhaps
the company’s most innovative line of greeting cards to date:
Online Kozmik Kardz
“This heralds a new era for the kardz industry,” Gweezo snarls. “Kardz deal with life’s occasions,
both trivial and milestoney, but what about the big issues? In the scheme of things we are like
ants scurrying around, while the Universe fries us with a magnifying glass. It’s time to share kardz
that demonstrate humanity’s awareness of its desire to define its role in the Kozmos.”
Having finished her profound statement, Gweezo breathes a deep sigh. She rises from her chair
and walks across her office to sit on the floor in a corner of the room, facing the wall. The interview
is over. Stoopid Kardz’z’s matriarch has spoken. And the world of greeting cards is charged forever.
Online Kozmik Kardz will be available online, free of charge until further notice. They are free
because we haven’t been able to get Yolanda Gweezo determine the price point, brush her teeth,
or get her out of the corner for days.
So, here, for our fans is the first Kozmik Kard. Kenny Dillbeak in our research department informs us
that the short verse on this kard dates back to Japan’s Asuka Period, having been written specifically
for the Emperor Kimmei around AD 541.
We came, we saw, we voted ourselves the best! That’s right. According to us here at Stoopid
Kardz, we had the BEST NEW KARDZ at the whole National Stationery Show. What, you think
the show officials would vote us the best? Probably not in a million years… so we did it ourselves. We were the best because we voted that we were and because we say so. Thus far, nobody’s bothered to disagree.
Despite our really low budget approach to exhibit design, with our stoopid glasses, lab
coats and gregarious outlooks we certainly made a heck of an impression. The overwhelming majority of people laughed their faces off.
Stoopid Kardz Marketing Director and foosball pro, Lucille “Moonflower” Ornithopter, declared
the whole affair to be a resounding success. “I do declare, the whole affair was a resounding
success,” she declared. She added, “Just wait until next year. Our research guys are developing
jelly-filled kardz! There are still a few logistics to work out, but with luck, Stoopid Kardz
will be the only jelly-filled kardz in the universe!”
From May 15th through 18th, the 2016 National Stationery Show
is in for a surprise. This is the first year that Stoopid Kardz will travel to New York City’s Jacob
Javits Center to introduce itself (ourselves?) to the world of greeting cards, gift shops, specialty
items and doodads and lifestyle novelty doohickeys.
“It’s fer gosh darn posilutely sure that ain’t no one seen kardz like ours,” screeches Stoopid Kardz
fake CEO, Marlon “Hog Jowels” Pikkypukky. “I opposed it even happenin’, but our fake board of
trustees voted me down 9 for to 1 against. The rest of them felt it was time to set Stoopid Kardz
loose on the world.”
But why would Pikkypukky oppose the promotion of Stoopid Kardz at an event attended by
thousands of people? “Two reasons,” he says proudly, “First, because I’m a moron. Matter of fact,
‘Moron’ was supposed to be my legal name, but it was misspelled ‘Marlon’ on my birth certificate.
Second reason: that fella, Kip Rosser’s gettin’ too big fer his britches. Thinks he’s in charge of
everything just because he writes and designs all the kardz. Plus, since neither me ner the board
actually exist – us being fake and in Rosser’s ‘magination and all – he thinks he can do whatever
he wants since he’s the only one of us that’s real.”
Inescapable logic. And Kip Rosser’s response to his fake CEO’s opposition to unleashing Stoopid
Kardz on an unsuspecting public?
“Mr. Pikkypukky and I don’t always see eye-to-eye, especially since he has none. The fact that
he’s entirely imaginary notwithstanding, I believe once he see the public’s response to our
product, he’ll come around. And if he doesn’t, he can go suck an ostrich egg.”