Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Stoopid Kardz
Introduces the First
Solar Powered Kardz!

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A spokesperson for Stoopid Kardz has just announced that the entire line
of kardz will be retooled to be 100% solar-powered by July of 2018. Billybaby
Buggybumpers, head of Stoopid Kardz R&D division, in a statement to
the press, stated, “Like most companies, we’ve relied on non-sustainable
fossil fuels for too long. This extends to our entire consumer base.
When someone gets one of our kardz, they just naturally use gasoline to
drench and burn it. We at Stoopid Kardz are encouraging everyone to use a
magnifying glass – the power of the sun – to destroy our kardz.

But what about solar powered kardz? Buggybumpers addressed that issue as
well: “When you recieve a Stoopid Kard, instead of reading it indoors in
the evening when you have to turn on the lights, go outside during the day
and read it by the light of the sun. You’ll save fractions of a cent on your
annual electric bill!

It’s a New Stoopid Year!
Yer Gonna Need Kardz to Match!

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Hey! All aboard the Stoopid Express! Hurry up! Everybody else in the world is already
on board and waiting for you! It’s going to be a heckuvva trip, just you wait and
see. C’mon, don’t be the only one left behind. What’s that you say? You don’t have a
ticket? No big whoop! Nobody does! All you need is …no, not love – let me finish.
All you need is to promise that you’ll make every effort to LAUGH, REALLY LAUGH
no matter what may be up ahead on the tracks. If you can’t get on board with that,
we’ll sell you a ticket for a million dollars and you can ride anyway.

Yeah, we know it’s early, but…

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Why? ‘Cause since when did “Christmas” become a bad word? Political correctness (which by the way, has gone down
the dumper, ‘case you hadn’t noticed) has all but eliminated the word from holiday vocabulary. Stoopid Kardz says,
“NERTZ TO THAT!” How the heck are we supposed to introduce our new batch of the BEST WORST
CHRISTMAS KARDZ EVER?! We’ll put a steming lump of laughs in your stocking. We got yer BRAND NEW

The Universe is, Like, Big
And We’re Totally Small.
There’s A Kard For That…

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We at Stoopid Kardz look up at the sky every night (it is mandatory as stated in our employee
handbook) and we blow our minds without drugs because we get, like, this crick in our
necks that presses on nerve bundles right at the base of our skulls and whoa, is it trippy!
We tune in on this, like, thinking of our smallness and how the universe up above in the sky
is awesomely humongous. We’re, like, specks. And that’s philosophy! Chew on THAT, rival
kard kompanies with your earthly, limited, sugary sweet sentimental sentiment! Our Kozmik
Kardz have profoundness, the new 21st millennial ingredient!


Download the FREE Super Deluxe PDF Version of this profound kard.
Just clikety-click right here.

Another New Kozmik Kard!

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Stoopid Kardz believes in all the traditional occasions and holidays. But there’s more to life
than our little human thing of life. It’s time to celebrate the kozmik universe with space/time
kardz of galactic quantum good importantness that deals with dark matters and stuff.


Download the FREE Super Deluxe PDF Version of this profound kard.
Just clikety-click right here.

Best New Kardz at the
National Stationery Show!

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We came, we saw, we voted ourselves the best! That’s right. According to us here at Stoopid
Kardz, we had the BEST NEW KARDZ at the whole National Stationery Show. What, you think
the show officials would vote us the best? Probably not in a million years… so we did
it ourselves. We were the best because we voted that we were and because we say so. Thus far,
nobody’s bothered to disagree.


Despite our really low budget approach to exhibit design, with our stoopid glasses, lab
coats and gregarious outlooks we certainly made a heck of an impression. The overwhelming
majority of people laughed their faces off.


Stoopid Kardz Marketing Director and foosball pro, Lucille “Moonflower” Ornithopter, declared
the whole affair to be a resounding success. “I do declare, the whole affair was a resounding
success,” she declared. She added, “Just wait until next year. Our research guys are developing
jelly-filled kardz! There are still a few logistics to work out, but with luck, Stoopid Kardz
will be the only jelly-filled kardz in the universe!”

A Stoopid Surprise for the
National Stationery Show

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PikkyPukkyFrom May 15th through 18th, the 2016 National Stationery Show
is in for a surprise. This is the first year that Stoopid Kardz will travel to New York City’s Jacob
Javits Center to introduce itself (ourselves?) to the world of greeting cards, gift shops, specialty
items and doodads and lifestyle novelty doohickeys.


“It’s fer gosh darn posilutely sure that ain’t no one seen kardz like ours,” screeches Stoopid Kardz
fake CEO, Marlon “Hog Jowels” Pikkypukky. “I opposed it even happenin’, but our fake board of
trustees voted me down 9 for to 1 against. The rest of them felt it was time to set Stoopid Kardz
loose on the world.”


But why would Pikkypukky oppose the promotion of Stoopid Kardz at an event attended by
thousands of people? “Two reasons,” he says proudly, “First, because I’m a moron. Matter of fact,
‘Moron’ was supposed to be my legal name, but it was misspelled ‘Marlon’ on my birth certificate.
Second reason: that fella, Kip Rosser’s gettin’ too big fer his britches. Thinks he’s in charge of
everything just because he writes and designs all the kardz. Plus, since neither me ner the board
actually exist – us being fake and in Rosser’s ‘magination and all – he thinks he can do whatever
he wants since he’s the only one of us that’s real.”


Inescapable logic. And Kip Rosser’s response to his fake CEO’s opposition to unleashing Stoopid
Kardz on an unsuspecting public?


“Mr. Pikkypukky and I don’t always see eye-to-eye, especially since he has none. The fact that
he’s entirely imaginary notwithstanding, I believe once he see the public’s response to our
product, he’ll come around. And if he doesn’t, he can go suck an ostrich egg.”