On June 29, 2016, Yolanda Gweezo, visionary CEO of Stoopid Kardz, unveiled what is perhaps
the company’s most innovative line of greeting cards to date:
Online Kozmik Kardz
“This heralds a new era for the kardz industry,” Gweezo snarls. “Kardz deal with life’s occasions,
both trivial and milestoney, but what about the big issues? In the scheme of things we are like
ants scurrying around, while the Universe fries us with a magnifying glass. It’s time to share kardz
that demonstrate humanity’s awareness of its desire to define its role in the Kozmos.”
Having finished her profound statement, Gweezo breathes a deep sigh. She rises from her chair
and walks across her office to sit on the floor in a corner of the room, facing the wall. The interview
is over. Stoopid Kardz’z’s matriarch has spoken. And the world of greeting cards is charged forever.
Online Kozmik Kardz will be available online, free of charge until further notice. They are free
because we haven’t been able to get Yolanda Gweezo determine the price point, brush her teeth,
or get her out of the corner for days.
So, here, for our fans is the first Kozmik Kard. Kenny Dillbeak in our research department informs us
that the short verse on this kard dates back to Japan’s Asuka Period, having been written specifically
for the Emperor Kimmei around AD 541.
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