From May 15th through 18th, the 2016 National Stationery Show
is in for a surprise. This is the first year that Stoopid Kardz will travel to New York City’s Jacob
Javits Center to introduce itself (ourselves?) to the world of greeting cards, gift shops, specialty
items and doodads and lifestyle novelty doohickeys.
“It’s fer gosh darn posilutely sure that ain’t no one seen kardz like ours,” screeches Stoopid Kardz
fake CEO, Marlon “Hog Jowels” Pikkypukky. “I opposed it even happenin’, but our fake board of
trustees voted me down 9 for to 1 against. The rest of them felt it was time to set Stoopid Kardz
loose on the world.”
But why would Pikkypukky oppose the promotion of Stoopid Kardz at an event attended by
thousands of people? “Two reasons,” he says proudly, “First, because I’m a moron. Matter of fact,
‘Moron’ was supposed to be my legal name, but it was misspelled ‘Marlon’ on my birth certificate.
Second reason: that fella, Kip Rosser’s gettin’ too big fer his britches. Thinks he’s in charge of
everything just because he writes and designs all the kardz. Plus, since neither me ner the board
actually exist – us being fake and in Rosser’s ‘magination and all – he thinks he can do whatever
he wants since he’s the only one of us that’s real.”
Inescapable logic. And Kip Rosser’s response to his fake CEO’s opposition to unleashing Stoopid
Kardz on an unsuspecting public?
“Mr. Pikkypukky and I don’t always see eye-to-eye, especially since he has none. The fact that
he’s entirely imaginary notwithstanding, I believe once he see the public’s response to our
product, he’ll come around. And if he doesn’t, he can go suck an ostrich egg.”