SALLY ANNE FOOTBITER, Esq.
Welcome to the Stoopid Kardz® Blog (whatever a blog is – I’m so new to the InterTweetnetWeb that my kids
set this up for me). Just wanted to give everyone a big “Hello!” Thought I’d take this opportunity to let you get
to know just who it is running things at the Stoopid Kardz Factory Bar and Grill. Me! President and CEO of
the best worst greeting kardz bizniss on the Planet Earth.
I was born Sally Anne Ernestine Waldo Piñata Footbiter. I started out on my parents’ salamander farm in 1962
where I was born and thrown into the farm life by the age of six months. But all I did was stick the salamanders
up my nose, so mom and dad let me take some time off until I was about seven, then it was back to work, up at
5am to milk the salamanders and plow the fields where we grew our main crop: rutabagas. For those of you who
don’t know what one is, a rutabaga is about the size of a softball. It’s sort of a cross between a turnip, a cabbage,
and a donkey butt. And it tastes like a what comes out of the Creature from the Black Lagoon after he eats dead
carrot pudding with anchovies on top.
We were a humble, struggling, simple farming family back then.
But at 15 I left the farm to go to Circus School and became a stilt walker. Then I went to law school and became
a stilt-walking lawyer. Then I went to Antarctica and became the first woman in the world to be a stilt-walking,
legally astute penguin wrangler.
And that’s how I ended up the becoming the President of this company. But I still can’t figure it out.
Anyway, our kardz are like nothing you’ve never seen ever. That’s what makes them so freakin’ great. We’re
proud to be the rutabaga-flavored whoopee cushion of greeting kardz.
So, visit our store. I welcome your comments (as long as they flatter me). Buy lots of kardz so that you’ll make
me filthy rich and I won’t have to go back to working on the salamander farm.
I thank you.